‘No man is an island’ wrote John Donne.
That might be true but sometimes it’s lonely out-there when you are trying to break free from the mold. It can really feel like no one gets you.
There are all thoses faces around but no one you can relate. You might as well be an island for that matter.
Here are some suggestions that may help you:
1. Keep quiet
When something new and overpowering awakens in you, whether it’s obsession with natural remedies induced by an intense loathing for the questionable practices witnessed in your medical career, or a deep urge to spend the rest of your life teaching yoga on a beach in Thailand surging from a profound aversion for the politics of practicing law, you’re compelled to share.
You have to tell e-ve-ry-one!
Hey, you’ve just found the meaning of life, everyone should care, right?
Nope! Not quite.
Everybody is different, people have different personalities, sensitivities, interests.
Chances are that most people don’t care, they are busy with their own life and their own ideas.
Most importantly, the people you know are probably aligned with the old you. The you from before the great, life changing insight.
They relate to the lawyer, to the doctor not to the crazy woman who wants to throw away a good career to save the world.
So, the wilder the insight, the more likely it is that they will think that you’ve lost your mind. That is because to them you are acting out of character.
If you feel that no one gets you, you’ve probably experienced some of this already.
If you have told your best friend about your plans to quit law to open a dance-therapy center in Honduras and you didn’t quite get the support you were hoping for, that’s the reason why.
Now if you were hoping to find a miracle-cure here, sorry to disappoint you: there’s none.
The best one is really simple and it’s called ‘Keep. Quiet’.
Stop trying to preach, share, convert your peers.
Not everyone is on the same path and not everyone will get your great insight.
And they don’t have to!
If you force it down their throat, they’ll start resenting you or they’ll criticize you.
Either way, the negativity will engulf you before your dream is even born.
Not worth it. Leave it alone!
Instead test the water gently.
Share tidbits to see who can relate and make peace with the fact that some people may no remain in your life forever.
2. Seek new role models
‘What you seek is seeking you.’ Rumi
In other words, you would not have had your dream if there wasn’t a way for you to bring it to life.
The fact that the people in your life think you’re crazy doesn’t mean anything.
Well actually it does mean something: you’re hanging out with the wrong crowd.
Yes, you may love spending time baking cupcakes with Aunt Mollie but she’s not the one you go to when you need to invest your money.
You have your finance advisor for that.
The fact that the people in your life don’t get where you are right now, doesn’t take from the relationship you have with them.
It just mean it’s time for you to look for new peers for this part of the journey.
Some people have reinvented their lives before.
Some people have build successful businesses before.
Some people have lost weight before.
Some have created beautiful love lives before.
No matter what you are trying to accomplish, there’s someone who has walked a similar path before you.
Seek them, study them, model them.
There are role models everywhere if your eyes are open.
You’re not alone!
If you want a successful relationship, seek happy couples and learn from them.
If you want to build a successful 7-figure business empire someone like Marie Forleo could be a great role model.
Of course, you probably won’t get to hang out with Mario Forleo tomorrow, but you can still learn from her.
By connecting with her, if only energetically through her newsletter, her videos or her course, the feeling that no one gets you and your business dream will disappear. You’ll start feeling less misunderstood, more energized and you’ll learn valuable tips, tools, and strategies to make the transition to where you want to be.
You get the idea.
Having great role models helps to make up for having the wrong network. Click To Tweet3. Join like-minded communities
As said before if you feel that no one gets you, you need new peers.
Role models are great for inspiration but it’s likely that you won’t be able to call them to bounce off ideas anytime soon.
That’s why you need new connections.
By default, we tend to navigate around the people from school, work, friends of friends, parents of the children’s friends…
It’s natural.
However it is not very intentional which probably explains a lot of the misunderstandings you may experience your current circle.
It was never a real match, more of a matter of convenience.
If you want to be surrounded by people who get you, you’re going to have to go about things more intentionally.
If you want to be surrounded by people who get you, you’re going to have to go about things more intentionally.
– What kind of change are you planning in your life?
– Where do you feel most misunderstood?
– What are your favorite activities?
– Where do you want to be in 5 years?
– What do you need to learn to get there?
– Who do you need to have on your team to win?
These are some of the questions to ask yourself to start building your dream team.
Where do you find these people?
Locally places like Meetup.com (an online community paradoxically) help you connect with people in your community by center of interest. It offers events locally worldwide.
Want to write a book? Join a writing Meetup group!
Want to live more healthily? Join a hiking, a raw food or a positive thinking Meetup group.
And if you don’t find your match. Simply create your own group.
Super easy!
I have met lots of amazing people and many important connections this way.
It’s probably the one tool that has allowed me to rebuild my network so quickly while changing country.
Highly recommended!
Obviously when it comes to meeting strangers offline be very cautious: meet in public, ideally in a group, watch your drink, keep your personal info private, trust your gut…
You know the drill…
Better safe than sorry!
That being said, honestly, in years using this service I have never had any issue, so don’t be paranoid either.
Online, things are even easier. A simple search with your favorite engine search will open vast new worlds for you.
Your tribe is here. You just have to go out and meet them.
You should choose your peers intentionally according to where you are heading. Click To Tweet
4. Carry a mentor in your pocket
I don’t get people who don’t read.
Books are amazing.
They allow you to carry whole worlds, vast reservoirs of new concepts, ideas, knowledge in your purse or on your tablet.
The right books will pull you through anything.
My favorite books are beyond worn out: annotations everywhere, pages falling off, covers cracked.
And it’s not from mistreatment, it’s from love!
From reading them over and over and over again.
For years.
From carrying them around in my bag, on trains, on planes, everywhere…
These books have gone through life with me.
They have been through the trenches and they have the scars to prove it!
Get books from your role models, get books about the skills you need to master, get books that inspire you.
Obviously, be discerning.
We are all human, we all make mistakes so use your senses.
Collect different sources, compare them and tap into your intuition.
5. Make friend with yourself
Talking about intuition, there’s a whole world of insights and guidance that you can reach when you reconnect with yourself.
It’s important to have a team but the truth is: you came here alone, you leave here alone.
This is your journey so expect people to come and go.
The only person who will always be there all the time is you.
That’s the connection you want to cultivate.
People will not always get you. That’s part of life.
You have to get you. That’s what matters.
Spend time alone.
Meditate.
Strengthen the connection with yourself and you won’t ever feel that no one gets you anymore.
People will not always get you, you have to get you! Click To Tweet
Bonus point: hire a ‘coach’!
Attempting anything new is challenging: one minute you’re delirious with excitement, the next you’re crippled by doubts. You go through a million of emotions: fear, demotivation, excitement, overwhelm, exhaustion…
It’s a rollercoaster.
And it’s even harder when no one gets you and what are attempting to do.
You have have to keep pulling yourself out of the hole… From within the hole.
Tricky!
That’s why you have ‘coaches’.
(I am not a fan of the word but let’s stick with it for clarity’s sake.)
Coaches point you to new resources and new tools, they help you see your blind spots, they’re there to bounce off ideas while allowing you to discover the right answers for you.
They keep you accountable so you stay on-track.
They push you when you slack.
They motivate you when you’re down.
There are coaches for everything from finances to weight-loss to life-reinvention and manifestation (Yes, that’s what I do, and that was a shameless plug!).
No matter what you are trying to achieve there are people out-there that get you and your journey. And they can help make the road a lot less painful and lonely.
You don’t have to stay stuck where no one gets you, just look for the right coach to walk along with you and help you get where you’re going.
All the most influentials people in the world have coaches: athletes, musicians, actors, politicians, business moguls.
It may be time for you to invest in your greatness.
Want to take this further?
If you resonate with my ideas and you’d like my support for reinventing your life and birthing your dreams, you can:
– Enroll in a workshop if you just need some guidance & support
– Apply for a bespoke program if you want a sparring partner in the trenches with you.
Working with a coach makes the journey towards your dream less painful and lonely. Click To TweetPin this post for later
Last updated July 27th, 2020.
