Last updated on March 19th, 2021
Do you really want what you say you want?
It may sound like a weird question, however since I encounter the following situation time and time again when working with clients, this question begs to be asked.
These women come to me with a very specific objective in mind.
Often, after some deep introspective work, we realize that their initial objective was completely off.
They actually do not want what that thought they wanted.
They come in wanting what they believe is needed in order to get what they truly dream of.
But, what we often discover is that they actually want what they dream of (which often seems so unattainable that they don’t even dare to speak about it at first), not what they believe they need to get it.
Ok, this sounded a bit abstract, so let me illustrate.
Instead of saying that they want to vacation in a luxurious secluded villa in the tropics so they can get some winter sun in a private and relaxing setting, they would say:
– ‘I want to make X amount of euros/dollars/pounds’ which is what they believe the dream vacation would cost.
What they think they need: the money.
What they actually dream of: a relaxing, luxury vacation.
Or, instead of saying:
– ‘I want have a partner who shares my dreams and aspirations’, they would say: ‘I need to meet a doctor‘.
Why a doctor?
Because they believe that because of his socio-economic status a doctor would be a good match to their aspirations.
However does having the money or having the right job title guarantee that the experience will live up to their expectations?
And more importantly, are these really the only (or the best) ways these experiences could be acquired?
In other words, could they be putting unnecessary conditions to their happiness?
And, could you, by the same token, be making your life harder than necessary?
It’s very likely.
1. Delayed happiness.
We’ve all met the stereotypical workaholic who is so busy making a living that s/he doesn’t have a life.
Traditionally, ambitious men were the ones stealing the show, working long hours, missing their children’s birthdays and their wedding anniversaries.
They would usually wake up one day realizing that they had missed every important landmarks of their lives and that they didn’t even know their children (who generally hated him!).
Often, the wake-up call would be a health or marital crisis.
You’ve probably heard a hyper-driven Superwoman say:
– ‘If I could make partner, my life would be perfect.’
– ‘If I only I could get this bonus, things would be amazing.’
– ‘If I could buy those shoes, I would be so happy.’
Except that life doesn’t work this way.
Promotions have a curious way of bringing a heavier workload.
Bonuses tend to attract more expenses.
And, new shoes always seem to call for new outfits.
The uphill battle never ends and happiness is always delayed.
And the reason for this is simple: what you chase eludes you!
2. The hack: happiness first!
We’ve probably all been confronted with a clingy, creepy, desperate suitor trying to win our favors.
And, you know what normally happens in these situations: the more he pursues us, the more creeped out we get, the more we avoid him, and the more intense he becomes.
It’s a vicious circle.
He might actually be a great guy but his desperate attempts are a strong repellent.
Well, this principle is true for other aspects of your life.
The longing, the desperation you feel when you pursue anything actually pushes it away.
It can be a promotion, a raise, a partner.
The same rule applies.
This is why you must be happy first.
It may sound self-indulgent or lazy but it’s a actually a hack which will save you tons of unnecessary struggle and hard-work.
No more killjoys!
When you make happiness a priority you don’t tolerate killjoys in your life.
So, you don’t fall for the trap of the promotion that boosts your ego but drowns you in an unwanted workload. You don’t allow yourself to fall out-of-balance and settle for objectives that look good on paper but kill your soul.
Sure, the promotion may pay for the fancy vacation.
However, if it means spending the whole time glued to your cellphone arguing with angry clients, trying to motivate flaky coworkers while avoiding office politics landmines, it may not be so appealing anymore…
By making happiness a priority, you keep sight of what matters.
And it becomes as clear as the day that while the promotion may give you more money to spend on the vacation, the promotion certainly will not guarantee that you actually get to enjoy the relaxing vacation you dream of.
By making your happiness a priority, you quickly realize that you need a better plan if really want that peaceful vacation!
Happiness is the better plan!
Interestingly, focusing on happiness is a powerful habit that actually brings more happiness to your life.
With manifestation going mainstream, it is now better understood that what you focus on expands in your life.
By being happy, you’re resonating with experiences that bring you more happiness. And experiences that bring you more happiness become magnetically attracted to you.
Therefore, by focusing on your happiness first, you place yourself in a virtuous cycle that reorganizes your life to bring you more to be happy about.
What does this look like?
Back to meeting the dream partner!
So, here instead of trying to find where wealthy doctors hang out, trying to join fancy clubs and bugging friends to be introduced to the successful doctors in their social circles, you could invest more time being involved in your favorite hobbies and randomly happen to meet someone who shares your passions.
He would then turn out to be a much better match for you than any random doctor who might be very ‘successful’ but have a horrendous personality.
And for the vacation:
Instead for putting in the long hours and fighting your colleagues for the promotion that you think would pay for the vacation, you could also spend more quality time enjoying your friends, meeting new people, and through those interactions find yourself doing a favor for someone who would invite you to house-sit their caribbean property (for free!) as a thank you.
There are so many ways your dreams can become a reality, focusing on being happy helps you attract the best ones.Being happy is a success hack: it attract more reasons to be happy. Click To Tweet
You probably need much less than you think to lead the life you want.
Don’t delay your happiness to a random point in the hypothetical future, make it a priority now.
Choose happiness first!
One last thing…
And of course, if you feel this is all too much and that you could use some support and guidance in applying those tips, overhauling your mindset and stopping self-sabotage from making your life harder, I am here for you.
There are many ways for us to work together so you can get the life and the kind of success you deserve.
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