How to tell you’re living someone else’s life


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This is end of the year the time when we take stock of what happened in the past 12 months. When you look at where you are standing now, you’re not so stoked with your achievements.

Sure, things look good on the outside but you’re not fulfilled. It feels that you haven’t really moved and that life has just happened to you.

The culprit could be that you are living someone else’s life. Here are some tell-tale signs:

If you're unfufilled it could be that you are living someone else's life Click To Tweet

You take your cues from your friends

You went to the right school, you live in the right neighborhood, you shop in the right stores and you buy the right brands. Your life is magazine perfect like Charlotte York’s (yes, I am showing my age).

Or is it really?

Did you ever ponder who defined ‘right’? Was it you or rather your peers and the social norms?

Is this ‘right’ really good for you? Is it aligned with your soul and your true nature or is it just the latest flavor of social diktat?

You care too much about other people’s opinion

This is an extension of the previous idea and it’s the logical consequence of following the socially accepted ‘right’ way.

There’s a right way to go from A to B, the ‘right’ way in society often doesn’t have anything to do with logic, common sense or what you should do. It has to do with acceptance and judgment.

If deep down you dream of traveling the world to film documentaries about the cultures of the world so everyone can learn from their wisdom, but you silence your dreams because…

a) It wouldn’t not look right on your resumé.

b) Everyone in your family is a lawyer and that just wouldn’t look right.

c) People would think you’re ‘dropping out’ or losing it.

You are putting your dreams on the back burner to satisfy other people’s ideals. The feeling of belonging may give you a temporary relief.

However, do you really want to belong to group that doesn’t embrace what’s really valuable to you?

Do you really want to belong to group that doesn't embrace what's really valuable to you? Click To Tweet

You’re afraid of standing out

When I say you’re afraid of standing out, I mean you’re afraid of breaking the mold.

Because don’t get it wrong, you can be as fierce as they come in your career if you have to.

That is as long as you are following the script.

If the script requires you to be the fiercest litigator or the highest closing salesperson, you will do it. You will standing in front of the audience, you will give the interview. And you’ll be brilliant at it.

You will perform without flinching.

However, you won’t do it for yourself.

Writing your own script? Standing up for your own dreams?

What is that??

You pretend to be happy

“I have this beautiful home, I have this beautiful wardrobe, I have a great job, I have a great career, my life is wonderful! What else could I ask for?”

– Doing things that actually feed your soul everyday?

– Waking up excited about the positive impact you are having?

– Not having to prop yourself up with coffee or pills to go to work each day?

We live in a society that has a very skewed notion of success. Most people give their all to become ‘successful’ only to wake up one day to realize that they have the wrong definition of success.

And that even though they have all the signs of success, they are unhappy.

It takes courage to admit that what you’ve worked so hard for doesn’t actually mean anything to you. No matter how hard it is, admitting that you are on the wrong track is the first step towards regaining control of your life.

Admitting that you are on the wrong track is the first step towards regaining control of your life Click To Tweet

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I am Dominique! I help smart, sassy, successful (but unfulfilled!) women create soulful lives. (You can learn more here)

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