Edited on June 29, 2023.
When this video on catcalls in NYC popped in my Twitter feed, as a woman who *hates* catcalls, I was in shock.
Catcalls are repulsive!
I have endured catcalls since I have been about 10-12 years old. Especially when travelling to certain places where it takes endemic proportion.
And, the things I have experienced have been really abusive and disgusting: flashing, tongue action, crotch-grabbing action and even going to the extent of insulting my partner while harassing me…
You name it: I have heard it and experienced it.
Many times the looks I received made me want to run to the nearest shower and scrub for days.
Really gross and traumatic!!
Still, this video really shocked me.
Two different things…
The video shows a woman walking the streets of NYC with a hidden camera filming the attention she receives from men.
As the video starts, there are some: ‘How you’re doing today?”, ‘What’s up beautiful? Have a good day!”, “Hey, what’s up girl? How you’re doing?”, “How are you doing this morning?”, “Have a nice evening!”.
All said by men going about their business not really motioning in the direction of the woman or looking like they intended to take the conversation further.
Even with my *extreme* catcall aversion, I could see that these were just compliments and well wishes.
Not always refined, can be annoying but certainly not ill-meaning or disrespectful.
Then, there were the real creeps:
“God bless you mami” or “Damn” said with the most enraging, puke-inducing, lustful full-body scan you could imagine.
Or, the guy who walked besides her and followed her around for 5 minutes straight.
Totally unacceptable!!
The strain
This video and the comments that followed shocked me because what I saw was symptomatic of a deeper situation: the deep strain in the relationship between men and women, where women are so angry at men that they can no longer distinguish between a compliment and a case of abuse.
What kind of society do we live in when saying ‘Have a nice day!” to someone can be considered harassment?
We’re losing our humanity, we’re no longer able to interact kindly as a species.
Can you blame the women?
Not really!!
Interacting with men can be extremely dangerous: many women have lost their lives just for saying ‘no’ to the advances of a man.
And also, men have been controlling the lives of women for their benefits for thousands of years…
So, it’s really not a clear-cut situation.
A space for connection?
That being said, in fighting to prevent wrongs, we seem to be going out of balance: losing our sense of connection and our openness, destroying the space for these small things that brighten up your day.
We’re closing the space to magic, to the little blessings in life and to the unexpected.
Everything is becoming more contractual, sterile and pre-defined.
No space for dialogue or playfulness.
When I was growing up in France there was this cheesy ad which featured a guy who was so awed by the sight of this woman that he ran to get her flowers.
You know, the French romantic way.
These days he’d probably be sued…
Am I saying you will find love by starting a conversation with every random man who talks to you in the street?
Nah!
And, the guy who gets you flowers in the street is probably a player anyway…
However, while there are many wrongs in the world and many reasons to have tight boundaries, especially as a woman, it’s also important to maintain the ability to receive well-wishes and compliments for what they are and allow good to find its way to you.
