By STRETCH+BLOOM | On February 6, 2015 In Dating and relationships
I am always keeping an eye on the conversations around men, women, dating and relationships. Recently I discovered an alarming trend amongst men who are sharing their inability to find suitable women for long-term relationships or marriage in the US and in other parts of the western world. They are advising men to look for love elsewhere.
At first I thought I was dealing with a few lone kooks.
Except, lately I have been hearing those stories a little too often to just brush the whole thing under the rug.
And as they say, there’s no smoke without fire.
So, while I am probably not going to make friends, there are simply too many women who are struggling to find love.
I believe it’s important to look at all the facets of the issues we want to fix and to leave no stones unturned.
So let’s dive right into it.
This is what these men are complaining about:
They describe a certain coolness, aloofness, a form of callousness and entitlement from a LOT of western women. These have these men jumping through hoops, asking them to live up to some ridiculous standards, and fulfill all sorts of crazy demands, without receiving much in return and in the end they are never good enough and get left out on the curb a lot poorer.
They feel used, disrespected and unappreciated.
EMPOWERED WOMAN OR ABUSER?
As much as I hate admitting it, there is some truth to what these men are saying. Being a strong independent woman, and being surrounded by women who share those values, I have noticed that unfortunately women empowerment often devolves into men bashing.
And that not ok, because two wrongs don’t make a right.
You can’t fight abuse with abuse.
That’s not ok, because it doesn’t work.
When we put out negative energy, it comes back to us.
Men are one half of the human population and have contributed to great things.
Just like women have.
No gender has the exclusivity of greatness.
I have had the privilege to grow up surrounded by extraordinary men, men who were visionary, bold, loving.
Some of them were also hurt, destructive, abusive.
I am not a ‘bot’ with a plastic happy life. I’ve seen both sides up-close.
The point is men are human and human beings are complex. They can be awesome and they can mess up. Some of them are jerks, others are psychos and some jackassess.
But there are some incredibly beautiful, honorable, supportive, courageous relentlessly inspiring men out-there.
And just like us they deserve respect.
The good ones do not have to suffer abuse because of the rotten apples.
LADIES, LET’S TAKE THE CHIP OFF OUR SHOULDERS
Another admission I must make is that I have also noticed that a lot of women do have a… funky and messed-up energy, and they don’t realize it.
And unfortunately they end up attracting funky, messed-up dating situations as a result.
What a lot of women fail to realize is that successful dating is not about a good online profile, having the right looks, makeup, clothes or career.
It starts with energy.
You cannot harbor resentment, hate, be demeaning and condescending, have high-expectations without having anything to offer in return – ‘I am a princess (or an empress) so men must be grateful for my existence, kiss my feet and cover me with rose petals’ doesn’t work. This is real life not a fairy-tale!-, and expect to attract true selfless, romantic, supportive and ever-lasting love.
These are two completely different and mutually exclusive energies. >
And love is a two-way street. You get what you put out.
Now before some of you get mad, let me repeat this: ladies I am not trying to bash you, I am trying to help you.
ARE YOU OPEN TO LOVING… MEN?
One of the key factor that would help end this single women epidemic, would be for women to open to love.Not only being opened to be loved by the men of their dreams who will love them unconditionally and fulfill their every dream and wishes. Most of women got that down to a tee.
No, the real work is to open to loving… men.
It's easy to want to be loved, the real work is to be ready to love. Click To Tweet
Loving men for who they are unconditionally, to be supportive, appreciative, encouraging and standing besides them, the way we want them to stand besides us.
Unfortunately these days this tends to be equated with being a doormat.
Except that is what true love is about.
No wonder things are difficult…
If you’re a strong independent single woman and you’re ready for things to change I have a few questions for you:
– You say you want love but how to do you really feel about men? Do you love them or do you hate them?
– You say you’re strong and independent : are you able to stand your ground while allowing them their own strength?
– You say you want a supportive man but how much support are you ready to give?
– You say you want someone who gets what you want but do you get what they really want?(And if you answered the stereotypical food and sex, dig deeper. Thank goodness, they are more complex than that!!
Last but not least:
Every day I hear women’s take on what’s wrong with men but after all looking for love is about …. love.
So what do you love about men?
If you’re ready to move past your hurt and really open yourself to finding your Mr Right, I have created a program that shows you how to clean up your negative mindsets so you can finally attract the man you deserve. You might want to check it out!