Whether it’s a career that doesn’t inspires you, a man you still love but doesn’t return this love in a healthy way or friends who are no longer a match with your values, it’s not always easy to find the courage to leave a situation that doesn’t support you.
Rationalizing the status quo, doubts about your ability to create a better situation, fear of the unknown can paralyze you and keep you stuck in a toxic situation even if deep down you know it’s time to break the cord.
Here’s 7 steps to build the courage to move on from any situation:
1. Strengthen your self-esteem
No one likes to hear this, but the truth is that if you’re holding on to anything toxic in your life, something is not quite right with your self-esteem.
You’re not valuing yourself enough to give yourself the best experience of life that you can have.
If you were, would you really accept to have your week-end plans cancelled to deal with fake emergencies at work?
Would you put up with shady behaviors and deceitful attitude from your ‘man’?
Your time-off should be sacred.
And the person who’s in your life should respect you.
If you’re holding on to anything toxic in your life, something is not quite right with your self-esteem.
If that’s not the case, well sorry to say but you do have self-esteem issues.
It’s not as bad as it sounds though.
We all do to some extent. So you’re fairly normal in that regard.
And it’s especially prevalent for those of us made of that big-hearted, generous, caring fabric.
You just don’t want to hurt anyone so you put up with things you shouldn’t.
Now, having a big heart is a beautiful quality.
However, letting others abuse you is folly.
Know your boundaries.Be ok with walking away from what no longer serves you. Click To Tweet
2. Look at the facts
Often we get caught up in unhealthy situation because we romanticize the facts.
– ‘Well, ok I do feel a bit like a hamster trapped on a wheel, but I do have have a fabulous office and lots of benefits.”
– ‘No, I am sure, he is not doing anything wrong. His co-worker just wears a lot of perfume, that’s all…’.
You know how it goes.
We come up with all sorts of creative stories to avoid staring at the painful facts:
– The fancy lucrative job is actually more akin to wearing golden-shackles.
– And the man is not exactly committed to the ‘relationship’.
You can ignore these facts as much as you want but there’s a huge problem with that.
And that is that you cannot formulate a solution for a problem you don’t understand.
By refusing to acknowledge the dysfunction of the situation you’re keeping yourself stuck.
You may believe you’re being reasonable about your job, or cutting this guy some slack but in truth you’re only sabotaging yourself.
3. The worst-case scenario
– ‘What? Dominique I thought you were all about positivity.’
Sure, however positivity is important but balance is too.
There’s in a gift in any situation if you take a moment to look for it.
More often than not a negative situation teaches you about yourself, your own boundaries and what you can or cannot accept.
Let’s get back to this dodgy guy.
If he can only call you at midnight and calls you Pam when your name is Audrey, you know you’re not exactly dealing with solid relationship material.
The more you engage his foolishness, the more you risk the chance of getting your heart broken.
It’s very unlikely that he’ll suddenly see the light and start to treat you with the respect you deserve.
Same goes for the job.
If keep doing your best and eventually get promoted, chances are you’ll get even more of the same that is: more less and even less of a life.
How do you feel about that?
Is it something you’d like to experience?
A negative situation teaches you about yourself, your own boundaries and what you can or cannot accept.
See, what’s brilliant about looking at the negative is that it makes it a lot easier to FEEEEEEL the painful things we would like to ignore.
It makes things clear and unmistakable.
And this helps you find the courage to take action to protect yourself.
No more making excuses, no more lying to yourself.
Your survival instinct is now activated.
4. List the pros and the cons
Looking at the worst-case scenario gave your clarity on the future you’re looking at if you were to stay on the same course.
The beauty of making this projection is that this is still in your future.
You don’t have to ever experience it if you chose so.
Even better, you still have time to prepare your transition and avoid finding yourself in firewoman mode when hells eventually breaks lose as it’s bound to if do nothing.
This is a powerful vantage point to identify the pros and the cons of different courses of action and mitigate your losses.
Identifying the pros and the cons of different courses of action helps you mitigate your losses.
Identify what you stand to win and what you stand to lose by moving on.
In the case of the job that sucks your soul, you will probably regain balance, time and a sense of joy.
And you’ll probably lose in stability and economic power, at least temporarily.
Use the positive aspects to find the courage you need.
And create a plan to mitigate your losses to counteract the fear you probably will experience at the thought of having less security.
5. Find your why
Fear is great motivator and it will get you moving.
However it will only bring your so far.
Once the immediate danger has gone you will probably find yourself falling back into old habits and settling back in your comfort zone.
You’ve probably seen examples of people who quit their jobs to avoid their hellish boss only to get back into corporate mode when the going gets tough.
The fear of seeing themselves stuck in the hell they were living helped them find the courage to leave.
However, it wasn’t enough to fuel them for the journey they had undertaken.
If you look at the common denominators amongst some of the most successful people in the world, they have big dreams.
– Some may want to alleviate world hunger.
– Some may want to connect people around the world.
– Some may want to eradicate diseases.
They are moved by something much bigger than themselves which gives them to the strength to go on no matter what life throws at them.Finding your why is a greater motivator than fear. Click To Tweet
Now, you don’t need to see yourself planting gardens on Mars to find the courage to leave your flaky dude.
However, thinking about your prospects of starting a family and the kind of example you are setting for your future daughter could do.
Dig into your life and find those little things that move you to make a difference for someone.
6. Project yourself in the ideal outcome
“Imagination is more important than knowledge” Albert Einstein.
It’s a secret that most visionaries know: dreaming big and vividly pulls your towards your dreams.
It also has the counter-effect to pulls you away from anything that no longer serves you.
It’s useful trick!
A zillion years ago, I was stuck in a hellish job that felt so bad that the idea of driving thorns under my nails felt like a relaxing day at the spa.
I started playing with my imagination and the ideal outcome I wanted to experience.
Every break I took, I used the opportunity to play with this idea and immerse myself fully in it.
Slowly, the vividness of my imaginary adventures started to carry over to the rest of my day.
The job didn’t feel so bad anymore.
It’s not that I was becoming desensitized and more acceptant of it.
On the contrary, I was becoming completely detached because emotionally I was beginning to believe that it was over.
Interestingly enough, as I became more and more saturated by this feeling, doors began to open.
And in an incredible twist of event, I was freed from the hellish job and projected in quite an idyllic situation.
Dreaming big pulls you away from anything that no longer serves you.
The point is, it’s easier to find the courage when move away from a toxic situation when your new prospects feel so inviting.
7. Connect with a new circle
Finally, you’ve probably heard the expression, ‘no man is an island’.
That is true!
We are ruled by our subconscious which tends to reproduce what it’s being exposed to.
If you’re constantly exposed to anything that reinforces your destructive patterns, you will need more courage to break free.
If all your co-workers do is to call you crazy for considering striking it out on your own, it reinforces your fear obviously.
If you surround yourself with courageous people, courage is normal.
On the other hand, if you’re surrounded by people and circumstances that reinforce your decision to seek a healthier environment, you won’t need so much courage anymore.
You take on the attitudes and mindsets of your new environment and doing what’s right for you will come to you naturally.
So if all your associates are urging you to dump the dud, it begins to feel like the only logical course of action.
And it no longer requires so much courage.
You get the idea.
If you surround yourself with superheroes, flying is normal.
If you surround yourself with courageous people, courage is normal.
To find the courage to leave a toxic situation you only need the right strategies.
When everything is the balance it’s easier to make a decision and follow the correct course of action. It becomes less a matter of courage and matter a matter of logic and self-preservation.
And this in turn diminishes your burden and make it easier to act.To become more courageous surround yourself with courageous people. Click To Tweet
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Last updated on Dec. 18th, 2019