Last updated on Sep. 1, 2023.
The dating world is brutal: it seems that the more apps and the more dating services become available, the harder things get. Especially, if you’re hoping to find love with your dignity and your heart intact.
People are callous, vulgar, aggressive, they take each other for a test-drive, dismiss each other with a swipe and break up with a text message.
It’s hard out-there, you have find ways to protect yourself.
One powerful way to avoid getting hurt is to cull out the problematic men early on.
Here are 5 types of men to avoid like the plague:
Mr Casanojuan
He loves women. He adores women. He’s addicted to women. He is charismatic and he knows it. Whether it’s his smile, his hair or his eyes, he has this one quality that’s irresistible and that he knows how to use it to ensnare you.
His hypnotic gaze and his bright smile give you the impression that you’re the only one in the world. He’s mastered the art of simulating an intense connection that appeals to your senses and blurs your thinking.
Problem?
Observe him for 5 minutes and you can catch him pull the same number on his next unsuspecting victim.
Next!
5 type of men to avoid like the plague. Click To TweetMr Unavailable
He appears to be very sensitive. You assume he must have been hurt in the past. You hit it off immediately and you seem to be on the same wave length. You’re really touched by his demeanor: he seems so authentic, so sincere, so eager to try again.
Come to think of it, he may be a little too eager.
You are a little startled when he starts painting the bright future you’ll share together on your second date. At the same time, you think it’s touching.
Problem?
He can’t deliver. After the first few idyllic dates, he starts blowing hot and cold. One second he’s the most charming, next second he can barely acknowledge your existence.
This man is broken, a text-book commitment-phobe who will only waste your time and break your heart.
You’re hurt, confused and you try to rationalize his behavior.
After all you have this beautiful connection and he was the one who started to make plans for your future.
But, there’s nothing rational about this man. He likes the idea of romance, but he’s unable to commit to it.
Why? Fear, pain, sabotage, jerk. Honestly, who cares. You’re not his therapist!
Whatever his reason for toying with you this man is broken, a text-book commitment-phobe who will only waste your time and break your heart.
My advice: run!
Mr ‘I forgot I had a family’.
This man is bold and fearless. He approaches you confidently and conquers you with his strong quiet powerful masculine presence that puts you at ease and allows you to relax.
You go on a few dates. Things seem to progress nicely and you’re starting to believe that this may lead somewhere. He’s present, attentive, thoughtful, you’re really enjoying his company.
Until he casually mentions his wife or his girlfriend.
No, you don’t worry. He says it’s not serious. They are either a) on a break b) getting a divorce c) insert random lame excuse.
Whatever his excuse, he’s playing things down so you can keep your hopes high.
Generally speaking that’s your cue to run. Nobody deserves to be number 2 or number 15 for that matter. Aim for number 1 (and only!)
(Caveat: sometimes things can be complicated, if you truly feel he’s honest, dig a little deeper to get clarity.)
Mr Wolf in sheep clothing.
This man is really vicious and therefore very dangerous.
You will find him navigating in yoga circles and in churches or any group where he can be surrounded by a large number of trusting women. There, he strategically benefits from the high women to men ratio, from the low competition and from the wide array of unsuspecting potential victims.
He can be hard to detect because he’s very manipulative, he’s mastered the art of playing with words and knows how to hide.
My advice: proceed with caution. It may take some time to detect him.
Don’t fall for his demeanor or his clever words. Speech doesn’t show character, actions do. Watch for inconsistencies between his professed beliefs and his behaviors.
Mr lethal attraction.
He’s the “bad boy” who appeals to the rebel in you.
With him you feel like you’re on vacation from your responsibilities and from your life. He’s entertaining, he’s wild and he makes you feel alive.
The problem?
This guy is unstable and the minute things don’t go his way he acts out. And acting out doesn’t mean a little verbal outburst. He’s more the pulling-a-gun type, or the jumping-off-a-bridge type.
If you’re lucky he’ll embarass you in front of your neighbors by showing up drunk and screaming at your window in the middle of the night, if you’re not he may be threaten his or your life.
Not worth it…!
Bonus: Mr High-value alpha traditional family man aka Mr Misogynist on steroids.
A late-comer to the scene, this type of man is becoming quite common.
You will catch him navigating circles that speak of family values, being a father, a manly man, having strong moral foundations, looking for traditional women.
All of which sounds fine until you dig a little further…
There you discover that these men take their idea of traditional family values from the Talibans, that they consider treating women as their personal slaves to be their rightful masculine prerogative, and that as a woman anything other than groveling for their approval and catering to their every whim on cue without any expectation reciprocity or respect makes you a sinful Jezebel deserving only of their scorn and their “rightful” punishment.
In other words, you’re dealing with a group of men with strong narcissistic tendencies that takes offense at you having any self-esteem, desire for agency or respect and finds it perfectly resonable to harshly physically punish you for it.
I don’t need to stress how dangerous this has the potential to be.
(One last thing, these men have female supporters who will happily deliver you to them if you fail to embrace the idea that having any self-esteem and a modicum of agency is a deadly sin for a woman. Watch your circles!)
Conclusion: approach things like a CEO.
With so many ‘colorful’ people out there, you need to go slow.
Take your time and analyze the person you have in front of you (ideally before you meet in person): Are they congruent in their presentation? Do their words match their actions? What does your gut tell you?
We, as women tend to be very attuned to our emotions. Emotions are important, however, while you’re looking for Mr. Right you’ll benefit from keeping your head squarely planted on your shoulders to balance out your feelings.
I read a blogger, whose name I unfortunately cannot remember, who expressed that you should go about dating as if you were interviewing someone for a job.
Now, this may not sound very romantic and I can already see certain bossy women take this advice a little too far. However, I think there’s some truth to this idea.
The man who will share you life will play one of the most important part in your life and he needs to be up to the “job”: it’s not just about looks or physical chemistry, it’s about him being dependable, trust-worthy, aligned with your ideals and your lifestyle.
We, as women tend to be very attuned to our emotions. Emotions are important, however, while you’re looking for Mr. Right you’ll benefit from keeping your head squarely planted on your shoulders to balance out your feelings.
In your professional life, I am sure your criteria are a little stricter than ‘we had such a great connection’ before committing to working with someone.
Take this spirit and bring it to your love life.
Enjoy the romance, but keep your eyes open and watch for the signs!
Be a gem yourself!
On a last note, while you have every right to demand the best from your partner, remember that he also has the right to expect the best from you. Be the kind of woman who makes a great partner to an exceptional, loving, caring, supportive man.
