By STRETCH+BLOOM | On March 2, 2017 In Dating and relationships
‘Where are all the good men?’ is one of the most commonly-heard refrain on the modern-day dating scene.
Plenty of women are under the impression that good men, like unicorns, hide in a secret, mythical land where they abound. And their approach to finding love is akin to looking for the treasure map to this mysterious territory.
Following this approach, many seem to believe that a certain social status, educational background or profession is the key qualifying factor in identifying a good man. Therefore they flock to places where men with these attributes abound.
– “Where could they be hiding?”
– “Are all the good men hiding in law firms?”
– “Are all the good men hiding in investment banks?”
– “Are they hiding in surgery wards?”
Hmmm, if only it were that simple…
Here are a couple of observations on why this approach is doomed to fail:
So often I hear women share a set of requirements for their dream guy that sounds like this:
– ‘My perfect guy is 1,85m (6ft something), with washboard abs, he’s a lawyer/ banker/ surgeon and he buys me a gorgeous ring with a huge rock.’
Now when your list sounds like this, the promised land could be a law firm, a bank or any place where affluent men congregate.
Except there’s something deeply flawed with this logic: this list doesn’t say anything about the human qualities of this man.
– Is he honest?
– Is he patient?
– Is he trustworthy?
– Is he generous?
– Are you compatible? (And no, compatibility doesn’t mean you want a ring and he can afford to buy you one…)
Looking at this type of list, there’s no way to tell.
Here’s how these women vet in guys:
– ‘1,85 m? Check!’
– ‘Abs? Check!’
– ‘6 figures? Check!’
– ‘Woo-hoo!! Found myself a great man!’
And then when the so-called great guy turns out to be a jerk, they act surprised and wonder ‘where are all the good men?’.
Because these women fall short of asking themselves crucial questions about the men they bring into their lives, they end up disappointed when these guys don’t turn out to be prince charming.
Maybe a little due diligence could have been in order before giving these men the great man award.
THE UPDATED LIST
Granted, your list may not be as caricatural as the ones of the women mentioned above. However, if you find yourself involved with the wrong men time and time again your list could need an update.
How about a list that looks like this?
– He treats people with respect.
– He’s honest.
– He’s trustworthy.
– We share similar dreams and values.
– Our personalities complete each other nicely.
– Oh, yes… we’re attracted to each other. (Notice how that’s at the bottom of the list. You’re not looking for a hot guy that turns out to be a jerk, you’re looking for a great guy that happens to be hot. Small but crucial distinction!)
With a list such as this one you’d probably be getting very different results.
And the behavior of many of these supposed ‘catches’ would probably have raised quite a few alarms that would have disqualified them from winning the award early in the game.
That time he screamed at a waiter on a date? Red flag!
That time is didn’t get back to you as he promised? Red flag!
That time he had wandering eyes? Red flag!
– ‘Au revoir monsieur, it was a pleasure knowing you!’.
(By the way, if you haven’t downloaded my red flags checklist, you should get it now. It will save you tons of headaches and hopefully give you a laugh or two).
With your updated list the promised land looks more like places where people are involved for the community, involved in personal development activities…
And this is not to say that creeps don’t lurk in meditation classes or yoga studios.
However from a value system perspective, those place are more aligned with finding decent human beings than highly competitive environments geared towards ‘success’ at all costs which tend to draw more problematic personalities to say the least.
IT’S ALL ABOUT VIBRATION
While the list is important, there’s an often over-looked critical factor in your ability to find the good men.
Many people are unaware of the fact that we are vibrational beings. To simplify things, we experience what we are attuned to vibrationally or what matches our frequency.
By asking the question where are all the good men, these women are actually revealing something critical about their frequency: they are not attuned to good men.
See, the mystical ‘good men land’ is not a physical place, it’s place reached energetically.
If your energy is tuned into a lack of good men, you won’t be able to access the ‘good men land’. And no updated-list, dating, hustling will ever change that!
Because when you occupy that mental space, good men are out of your reached vibrationally, you could be swimming in a sea of good men you would not be able to see any.
Now, when our energy is attuned to good me, good men are everywhere. Yes, in law firm and plastic surgeons practices. But also be at the gas station, at the dry-cleaners, at the cobbler!
When your vibration is right, the good men which had been there all around you suddenly become visible to you.
This may sound mystical but it’s true: the only place where good men hide is within yourself.
In other words, you will find good men around you when you resonate with the experience of having good men in your life.
How do you do that?
Do you hold anger against men?
It may be justified but you’ll have to let it good because it tune you into the experience of lack of good men.
Do you believe all the good men are taken or that no good men are available?
It may appear so now but it’s not necessarily true and until your belief changes you’ll be stuck. Again this belief tunes you into the experience of lack of good men.
Do you believe that you’re not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough to have a good men?
Basically, as long as you internally hold this image of lack of good men you will experience it outwardly.
If you want to find good men, you have to find the good men in your mind. That’s the only place where they hide.
PS: This may have sounded quite esoterical and mysterious to you. I won’t blame you if you’re head is spinning a little. This goes against eveything we have been told.
If you want a better grasp on this idea of looking for love from the inside out, grab this free training that’ll tell you more about how to stop chasing love and finally attract it.
And if you’re ready to apply this strategy to fix your love life, take a look at this program that walks you through the exact steps you need to take to update your list, clear up your negative mindsets and tune up your vibration to become a match to all the good men that are out-there waiting for you to catch up with them.
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