By STRETCH+BLOOM | On April 23, 2016 In Tip, Work-life balance
Spring is the season to uproot weeds and plant new seeds so you can reap a beautiful harvest in the coming months.
Your life is like a garden and it follows the same universal principles. Now is the perfect time to release unwanted conditions so you can bloom and lead a more fulfilling life.
If you feel like you’ve been wearing golden shackles with a life that looks good on paper but sucks the soul out of you, here are 3 habits to consider releasing from your life so you can be more fulfilled.
1. PRETENDING THINGS ARE FINE
Being positive is a valuable trait which makes life more enjoyable. Unfortunately it can become a huge trap when it’s paired with blindness and stubborness.
We have all had that friend who’s fallen for a complete loser and it left us wondering what she can possibly find in him.
When the topic is raised she invariably lists all his qualities, his potential but ignores the big elephant in the room: he treats her like hell, he’s a jerk, he’s unfaithful, he’s an idiot…
She’s in love with an idea and her sainthood in bringing this potential out of him.
She’s not dealing with facts.
Obviously most of the time, she’s heart-broken, hurt, angry, confused about his behavior. It’s a litany of: ‘ but he should…’, ‘why doesn’t he… ‘, ‘I am doing so much, I don’t understand why he ..’, ‘I have to keep seeing the good in him’.
What she misses is that sometimes seeing the good in someone (or in a situation) is getting the message that they are not for you!
You may not be in love with a dud, but:
– Are you stuck in a career you loathe but you stick with it because it’s prestigious? (Lawyers I am talking to you.)
– Are you constantly at odds with your company’s culture but still hoping the next promotion or raise will improve things?
You get the message.
Sweet-talking yourself about all the perks, the advantages and the potentials of a given situation and ignoring the downside simply doesn’t work.
It keeps the golden shackles on!
And it leaves you unfulfilled.
You must make a balanced assessment and evaluate if the efforts you put in are actually aligned with the benefits you’re reaping.
If your contributions exceeds your retribution, dump the dud!
Would you invest in a stock that was constantly and steadily dropping below its buying price?
No, you would sell it before losing all your money.
Same logic applies here!
SPRING CLEANING TIP:
Staying in unhappy or unhealthy situations is the fastest way to suck the joy out of you. Positivity shouldn’t blind you.
If you suspect you have a dud in you life, here’s a simple process:
– Take a piece of paper and make 2 columns.
– On one side list the positive aspects, on the other list the negative ones.
– If the negative list exceeds the positive one, you know what to do…
2.TRYING TOO HARD TO FIT IN
Human beings are social animals. We need interactions with others for our emotional well-being. At times it’s even a question of survival.
Being in a group allows us to leverage everyone’s efforts, to gain more security and to become as a whole much stronger.
It is no wonder the need for social interaction is so strongly rooted in our psyche.
However, as with everything there can be too much of a good thing and that’s when you get imbalances.
When we become so concerned with acceptance from the group that we forget our own path that’s when trouble rear its head.
That’s when you get fear of ridicule, fear of shame, worry and doubts about fitting in at any cost.
The problem is that we tend to get so absorbed in wanting to belong to a group that we forget one crucial thing: vetting whether the group we chose to belong to actually suits us in the first place.
If you’re headed towards the path of entrepreneurship, your die-hard employee friends will probably question your sanity.
If you suddenly decide to quit a high-flyer lifestyle to embrace a simple artist life, your circle of peers will probably stage an intervention.
That’s to be expected.
However, the fact that they express doubts, ridicule your choices or question your sanity should not affect you.
It should only tell you on thing: you need a new circle of peers that’s more aligned with your journey and is more supportive of your path.
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”,
If you want to soar and feel more fulfilled, it’s important to constantly re-evaluate the quality of your social circle and to become immune to criticism from people who are not aligned with your personal objectives.
SPRING CLEANING TIP:
Being loving and social doesn’t mean you should ignore your own needs.
– Take a piece of paper and on top of the page write down your main objective.
– Below make a list of the friends and acquaintances you spend the most time with.
– Next to their name write down ‘yes’ or ‘no’ according to whether or not there are aligned with your goal.
– Spend more time with the people who are aligned with your objective and less with those who aren’t.
It may sound harsh, but if your best friend was planning a ski vacation while you were planning a beach break, would you make the same plans, buy the same gear, board the same plane?…
There you go!
3. BEING ADDICTED TO WORKING HARD
Our judeo-christian influenced western civilization has put a high priority on hard work. Struggling is the golden ticket to everything we desire, hard work is what makes us worthy of our objectives.
You’ve probably heard the expression a million times: ‘no pain, no gain.’
I am not advocating being a slacker.
My point is however that sometimes this principle is taken a little too far and applied with a lack of finesse which leads to staying stuck in unnecessary hard-work and struggles that suck the joy out of life.
This is especially true for independent women who like to prove they can do everything as good as men and end up overwhelmed in the process.
Yes, you can carry your suitcase and your all your grocery like a big girl.
However, your man has bigger arms than you and he enjoys doing things for you.
Yes, you can probably figure your way out of this maze of a file you’re working on. It doesn’t mean you should do it all by yourself.
When your friendly colleague who noticed your zombie-look from all the all-nighters you’ve been pulling offers to lend a helping hand, don’t say ‘oh don’t worry about it I am fine’!
The correct answer is: ‘thank you’!
To be more fulfilled, you need to improve the balance between what you enjoy and what drains you. I discuss this at length, in my 21 day step into the flow challenge. If you haven’t just, you can join here.
Don’t pass opportunities to lighten your burden. Eagerly embrace them.
SPRING CLEANING TIP:
– Make a list of the activities you do on a regular basis. Next to each activity add a + or a – sign, according to whether each activity drains or uplift you.
– Cut down on the activities with a – sign. And see how you can add more + activities to your list.
If you’d like take your spring cleaning up a few notches, make sure to join my FREE step into the flow 21 day challenge. This challenge gives you tons of powerful easy-to-implement, bite-sized tips to get back in the sweet spot of your life and let go of what weights you down.
If you’re an ambitious, high-achieving woman who feels that the road to success is a little too steep and is starting to take its toll on her well-being and her joy, this challenge will give you a boost!