By STRETCH+BLOOM | On September 11, 2017 In Mindsets, Tip
‘How can you be more resilient in the face of adversity?’
‘How do you find the strength to go on when life throws you a curve ball?’
‘How do you find the juice to turn lemons in lemonade?’
Ok, that last one was kind of cheesy, but you get the drift: ‘how do you build the strength to keep going when sh*t hits the fan?’.
Why these question?
Because no matter what you’re doing in life, there is a time when things don’t go your way and you start to ask yourself how to find the strength to overcome whatever you face and make a comeback.
Actually, if you’ve reading this blog regularly and you’re considering a reinvention, you’re probably in the midst of some form of adversity already.
Whether you’re dealing with a boss from hell, a bully co-worker, an unstable partner, or a full-on life collapse, or simply just bored with life, you will need resilience to create a more positive outcome.
Hopefully, these 5 tips will help you be more resilient in the face of adversity.
HAVE A BURNING PURPOSE
You’ve probably heard those types of stories:
A mother in a car with her child has an accident.
The car leaves the road, her child is ejected and gets stuck underneath the car.
The mother driven by her love for her child, lifts the car and rescues the child.
Ok, what happened there?
How does an average woman manage to lift a car that weights several tons?
She’s on a life and death mission, she has to rescue her child.
Without this intense burning purpose, she could never have lifted the vehicle.
However, driven by her motherly instinct, she could accomplish this extraordinary feat.
Now, I am not trying to imply that having a burning purpose will help you lift cars or airplanes.What I want to convey to you is the idea that being driven by something bigger than you allows you to tap into resources you didn’t even know you had.
Finding something bigger than yourself to focus on will help you find strength to face adversity.
NO COMPLAINING ALLOWED
First, complaining is a disease.
The western world is suffering from an infestation of high-maintenance, low-resilience, entitled a**holes.
Seriously, look around you and look at the stuff people complain about.
‘I need to speak to the manager! There’s one too many ice-cube in my water. This is unacceptable. Someone needs to be fired immediately’.
‘I can’t believe that out of 40 shades of foundations ranging with colors ranging from snowflake to charcoal, I can’t find one to match my exact skin tone. OMG, I am gonna scream!’ (something to that effect read last week…)
For real, people!
If it’s you, do this:
1 – stop right now,
2 – stand in front of the mirror
3 – give yourself a huge slap across the face for being a jerk.
4 – Then, take a look at the world around you and observe the conditions billions of people live in on this planet.
If you have a home, a comfy bed, dry sheets, a computer, a phone, cash for leisure, you’re better off than most people on the planet.
Complaining is indecent.
Back to real adversity.
Your case is different, you’re not an entitled brat, life is really tough for you these days, so you’re allowed to complain, right?
Trust me, I’ve been through quite a lot: natural catastrophes, threats, redundancy, business collapse, starting over with your life in 2 bags, divorce…
I am quite familiar with the territory.
Now matter how bad it is, do not complain.
Complaining will sink you. If you want to make it through, stop!
I am not saying it’s easy but you have to.
Complaining in the face of adversity depletes you and affects your chances of recovery.
When you focus on everything that’s wrong and you add all the emotional energy that comes along, you’re basically doing some hardcore manifestation work.
Except, you’re working overtime to manifest more BS…
You don’t want that.
Stop. F**king. Complaining.
Some useful mindsets shifts:
-True, life is not always fair. Make peace with that idea.
Welcome to Earth. Spoiler alert: no one here gets out alive…
– You’re still here, you’re still breathing, you’re still winning.
– If someone is treating you unfairly, take mental notes but don’t waste energy. First order of thing is to get out of harm’s way. Later, use your notes to deal with them in the appropriate fashion (legal action, lose their number, warn others…).
– Remember karma.
Energy rules this planet, so people will eventually get exactly what they deserve: if what do what’s needed you’ll get back up, if they don’t change those who’ve wronged you will be taken care of. So don’t lose sleep on them. Focus on your recovery.
(Hmmm, in a way life is actually fair. Paradoxes…)
– Facing adversity is painful, you don’t have to pretend it isn’t.
You can still feel whatever you’re feeling and not choose to dwell on it. Actually your feelings have a message for you, so don’t ignore them. Listen, learn but don’t wallow.– Find someone to keep you in check
If after all this you still can’t get out of the habit of complaining on your own, find someone to help you stay on track, push you to tap into your inner resources and give you some reality checks. I help you with that.
I know it’s trite.
Think positive, be happy, everything will be fine. Yadda yadda yadda…
No matter how overstated this has been, this is still a fact. You have to be grateful.
– Your boss is a jerk but you have a home? Celebrate your home!
– Lost your job but still have a partner or friends? Celebrate them!
– Lost your home but got a car, got your health? Celebrate your body!
– Got injured, got one toe left? Have a ‘I have one toe left’ party!
Is it easy?
Often, it’s super effing hard. I am not going to lie.
Do it anyway.
It’s a muscle. The more you do it, the easier it gets.
The idea is to train your mind to look for the positive.
Doing this turns on the reticular activation system which will help you notice more things to be grateful for. And this shifts your vibration.
The key is that this shift in vibration will dramatically (and positively) alter your outcome. It will allow you to literally magnetize new opportunities. This is the secret to you getting out of the hole.
Don’t overlook this!
FIND A WAY TO RECHARGE
So far, there’s a lot of pushing through on this list. Adversity is not a walk in the park and you have to be tough.
That’s why you actually need to spend extra time making sure you’re ok and recharging.
I once had this job that was absolutely hell. Loathed everything about it.
I dreaded going there. I was physically sick around these people.
So what I did while working on getting myself out of there was going to the park every lunch break to breathe and meditate.
It allowed me to recharge, find peace and gave me the bandwidth to handle the other half of the day.
If you’re introvert, this is a great way to recharge.
If you’re extroverted, make time to connect with friends, get social instead. This will help you cope better.
In any case, do something for yourself, no matter how small. This is a key to staying strong.
HAVE A MANTRA
My family is from the Caribbean and I’ve lived there for several years.
Beautiful place but the weather sometimes… Hurricanes are the price you pay for living in paradise, I guess.
One thing I remember from the aftermath of a particularly destructive one was the way people spoke.
When we finally when out after the hurricane, the scene we discovered driving around the island after this particular hurricane was surreal: boats had been thrown on the roads, gutted, roofless houses everywhere, floodings.
It was really bad.
The people were smiling though.
Even there was no water, no electricity, no shops open on the island and many had lost everything, people were busy cleaning up, rebuilding, eager to get back on their feet and return to their lives.
Everywhere we went and with everyone we spoke to, we heard a variation of the same thing:
-‘Yeah, it was bad, but it’s all good and we’re alive so we’ll just rebuild everything and make it better. Gotta to stay strong.’
-‘Have a good day! Stay strong!’
‘Gotta keep going. Staying strong!’
Down there picking yourself up is just part of life. That’s how we’re raised. And it was also how people expressed themselves.
They were literally programming their minds to be more resilient.
And it worked, most people were functional, helping each other and happy in the face of apocalyptic adversity.
Obviously, you don’t need to face the aftermath of a hurricane to use this tip.
BONUS TIP: GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE MORE OFTEN
As I have mentioned before resilience is a muscle.
You don’t become resilient by sitting on your couch and avoiding life, you become more resilient by throwing yourself at life and picking yourself up when you fall.
Actually, I am really convinced we’re all born resilient: look at babies learning how to stand.
They fall, they pick themselves up, they fall, they pick themselves up, they do that over and over again, until they get right.
And then, they go through the same process to learn to walk.
And they do this with everything throughout thir childhood.
If you think you’re not resilient, think again!
At you time in your life you were, if you’ve successfully learned how to walk, speak, write… It takes guts.
It’s just that over time you’ve untrained the habit.
So take more risks, learn new skills, meet new people, travel to other countries, discover new cultures, start new projects, take chances.
I am not suggesting you compete for a Darwin award either. Just think of ways to get out of your comfort zone more often.
Obviously, this is probably something you don’t want to do while you’re in the direct line of fire because it takes lot of energy you don’t have when you’re facing adversity.
However, once you’ve recovered, make it a habit to train that muscle. It will help you be more resilient.
You’ll be thankful you did next time life knocks you down.
To go further you can also download this workbook, it walks you through the 5 steps I use to create effortless breakthroughs.
As stated, I have been through quite a few some adventures in my life and these 5 steps have really helped me get out of trouble quickly when things looked grim.
You definitely want to check it out, if you need any sort of breakthrough.
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