By STRETCH+BLOOM | On February 1, 2017 In Dating and relationships
Yeah, February is here! Fake-love fest is on!
While January gave us a very well-deserved break from the forced celebratory frenzy of the end of the year, February’s arrival is bringing a whole new wave of society-induced vacuity. This time it’s all about loooooooooove.
Hearts, chocolates and cupids.
Another reason to go into a buying frenzy and feel inadequate.
While I am not really interested in discussing the economic aspect of February, I am little concerned on the impact this whole production has on people who are single.
SINGLE SHAME IS NOT YOUR FRIEND
With valentine’s day around the corner, all of sudden there’s this element of desperation and shame for not having found the one yet. “Got to find a date for the 14th, got to find a date for the 14th, got to find a date for the 14th” has become the mantra for many.
The problem is that desperation is never a good advisor. Beggars can’t be choosers.
Approaching the idea of finding love from a place of need and despair is the surest way to find yourself needing and desperate.
By virtue of your personal energy you are always bringing into your world what you are resonating with.
The fear and the concern for being single will only bring you more experiences that will confirm your single-hood. You may get dates, meet new people, hook up, play relationship but it will never lead to anything healthy because the energy you brought to the table was lining you up with a less than ideal outcome.
The reason for this is that it was not mutual admiration, respect, connection, aspiration that was bring you together but fear, boredom, guilt, embarrassment, shame. And whatever comes out an attempt at finding love coming from this mental place will bear this energy.
It may last one date, a few days, a year or even 10, but it will never truly work.
How many women have I met who have been lingering for years in some sort of relationships that have more to do with a self-esteem-sapping-friends-with-benefit arrangement than anything else!
They may call this a relationship but they are still lonely, sad, unloved, fearful and frustrated.
Being in a ‘relationship’ doesn’t always end your single-hood…
DON’T BE BULLIED BY VALENTINE’S DAY.
This whole thing has nothing to do with love anyway.
Look into the origin of this holiday and you’ll be enlightened. First, nothing says romance like being whipped by bloody hides!
And second, you have to blind not to see that these days it’s all about business.
Do you have your hearts, your flowers, your chocolates, … your engagement ring?!
It’s about “how big is the gift?”, “how expensive is the ring?”. It’s about cash and competition and it has nothing to do with love.
You’re not a loser if you don’t find a boyfriend placeholder to parade in your life for V-day.
Love is not on a deadline, love doesn’t compete. Your life won’t end if you haven’t met Mr Right by February 14th. You’re not a loser if you don’t find a boyfriend placeholder to parade in your life for V-day.
Here’s my 2 cents, if you’re really looking for true love, stay away from toxic energy, stay away from compulsory celebrations, stay away from surrogate partners. All this stuff is pushing real love away.
The sooner you’ll stop allowing yourself to be bullied into going on dates and inviting idiots in your life just so you can show that you’re not alone, the sooner you’ll actually create space for a quality relationship to appear in your life.
If you’re really determined to change your relationship status don’t go on a random date for Valentine’s day, spend the time on yourself, heal your heart (you probably have lots work to do if you’ve been on the dating scene recently…), prepare yourself mentally for true love (start with that).
Anything else is a distraction.
And if you really can’t shake the urge to splurge to boost your love life, don’t squander your time and resources on stuff doesn’t get you anywhere like a new dress or a sexy bra for a lousy date with a flake. Invest in yourself wisely to get your love life where it deserves to be. My program on getting mind (and energy!) right for attracting the one is in beta now, you might want to check that out.
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